Tuesday, November 12, 2013

This is the Story About a Woman

This is the story about a woman who was distracted.
This is the story about a woman who was angry.
This is the story about a woman who was sad and depressed.
This is the story about you and me.

And as my mind gathers up the glimpses of these different women making up the image of us all, I feel compelled to reach out to  my sisters with concern.

There is a woman who is trying to maintain a certain level of sanity in what seems like an unexpected life. She never imagined herself in this place.  She's not quite sure why, but her children are always struggling and her husband is distant.  Somehow, somewhere everything changed for her and now she's left to spend her days mostly alone.  There resides a certain disconnect that she cannot even explain, which has left her to only fantasize about what she doesn't truly have.  And all she knows is that she feels unwanted.  And her mind wanders, as she finds herself flipping through the channels, folding the pages of Hollywood's magazines, scrolling down the statuses of everyone else, dreaming about the life she could have had but doesn't.  And she's not quite sure how she got here.  This is the story about a woman who was distracted enough by  her unrealistic expectations that she forgot to trust the one true God with the reality of life.

There is a woman who is feeling a great sense of entitlement.  And by the same token, she feels angry because her rights are not being validated.  She doesn't understand why everyone around her is so screwed up, and she's angry that they can't get it right.  It seems that her family and friends always let her down.  She is highly disappointed and seems to have every right.  Her loved ones abandoned her, feeling helpless it seems. They preferred to give her space due to all of their recorded mistakes.  Hence, she has become bitter.  Nothing satisfies.  Nothings brings joy.  Instead, everything frustrates and everything annoys.  To the point, that she's now annoyed with God.  If He truly cared, he'd make things right.  Right?  In her ignorance, she's forgotten the abundance of mercies that God once shed upon her.  This is the story about a woman who thought too highly of herself and her perception of who she is in the sight of God has been distorted.  

There is a woman I know who is sad and depressed. And my heart breaks just thinking about it.  Life has been unkind.  If only she could rewind.  But the tears don't take away all of the hurt she has to face.  She watches as death takes it toll on friends, as her own health if failing.  Her heart is heavy and burdened by the amount of suffering she has witnessed and is carrying.  Why can't her daughter be well?  Why must the divorce come now?  Why can't the world stop turning, if only just for right now?  And where is God in all of this?  She swore she knew how, to say a prayer and trust in God; but not now.  This is the story about a woman who's faith grew faint and lost sight of everything that was once evidence that God is always near.

There is a woman, and I am she.  There is a woman, and it is you as well. When your focus begins to quiver, and is no longer fixated.  When what surrounds us becomes bigger and we can no longer see it.  That is when we lose sight of the one who has loved us and called us.  That is when our circumstances begin to dictate how we'll be feeling.  And that is when, even then, God is faithful and continues to work out His perfect plan in our lives, even though we don't see it or feel it.  That's the beauty of God.  That although we lose our way, our sight, and ourselves, He remains constant chipping away at his masterpiece, putting the pieces together, mending, forgiving, loving, bringing us back to Him.  Our worst mistakes cannot change His purpose.  He remains.

Be encouraged my friend and sister!  His love is greater than you can imagine.  And your issues can never outdo His love and mercy.  He sees you.  He forgives you.  He cares for you.

Monday, November 4, 2013

A Voice Through the Silence

A Voice through the Silence

The room is empty
My friends are gone
They've all given up on me

Nothing moves
Except for what I think is a fly buzzing around
It seems to be reminding me that death is never far away

But there's nothing else sounding
It's quiet enough to only hear my heartbeat
And even that is a little faint

It is silent
I stopped talking
And nobody hears me

Deep inside I can scarcely hear my mother's lullabies
And my childhood cheers
But they're all gone now

It's just me in a quiet room
No sign of real life
Well, I guess that would be me

But I can't speak
I've grown too weak
And I don't feel the need

I ran out of dreams
I no longer wish
I'm at a loss of hope

Life swayed me back and forth
To the point that I no longer move
I'm just laying on this cold floor

As I stare up at the ceiling
Morning creeping in through the skylight window
“leave me alone!” I yell inside
“I don't want to wake today.”

But the sun is too bright
It keeps pressing through
I must close my eyes

I find myself squinting
The glare is in my eyes
What a bothersome thing, when the rays are on your face

I'm not sure how, but I had to move
I got on all fours and made my body upright
I'm on my feet... it's been a while

And as I make my way to the bathroom,
It seems the sun is following
I can still feel the heat, and my body feels warm

I look up at the mirror above the sink
It's been a long time and I'm afraid
I don't think I know that image looking back at me

Tears begin to flow
I didn't think I had any left
But there's one more

As if to say, “I've got something left to say”
And I get choked up
I begin to cough

The coughing leads to crying
And for the first time in a long time,
I hear my voice again

My voice...
It used to be so strong
It used to be inviting

My voice...
I used to sing
A long while ago, before I became depressed

I used to laugh
I used to talk
I used to

And now for the first time in so long, I heard my voice again
I don't really know why I did it, but something in me was crying out
And as I stood there on my feet again on the bare floor and before my own image

I felt the cold on my feet, and it felt good
I tried a smile, and could almost see myself again
And then I did it... I said a prayer, I know God was listening too
I know because soon after, I had the courage to face the world again