Ever been at the end of your rope? Ever hit rock bottom? What did that bottom look like for you? Honestly, at times some of us find some sort of comfort at that bottom. If we're honest, for some of us, rock bottom is not an entirely terrible plot. It means we can stop trying. We can stop striving. We get to take a break. We can let go of all that we've been holding on to.... at rock bottom. The demands and expectations that have weighed so heavily on us, so much so, that our arms gave in on us and our bodies simply collapsed all the way down.
Yet, there is a place of surrender at rock bottom. Rock bottom is where we might be able to finally catch our breath. And just sit for a while. And maybe nobody sees us there at rock bottom. Maybe we can finally hide from the constant pulls and pushes, there on the cold and damp floor of rock bottom.
It's not meant to be a permanent place. It's meant to feel uncomfortable. So that even if we curl up on that hard ground for a bit of rest, deep inside we know this can only serve as a temporary rest spot. It isn't comforting enough for us to stay and abide there. We can't survive nor thrive there.
And so we catch our breath. We exhale. We yell and scream. We cry in despair and angst. Because we have no where else to go or turn. Our efforts are depleted. Our drive has come to a halt. Hope has dissipated. And only the urge for giving up is what remains.
But let's dig a little deeper, if we can. What is so bad about giving up? Why do we perceive it as something to avoid? "Never give up!", they say. "Whatever you do, just don't give up." --- Well, what if I told you it's okay to give up? What if you were give permission to?
Stay with me here, and allow me to elaborate. In all my years, and I can freely say that now, since I'm over midway point in life, I guess! haha! But seriously, in all my years of life, some much harder than others, I have learned that often times we are creating a false narrative for our lives that solely depends on triumphs and high peaks, accomplishments, and achievements to define the value of our lives. And we look at the inevitable failures, hardships, losses, pains and sufferings, as things to avoid or shun. As if we can honestly be spared from any of it. That is a hoax! The Bible itself says that, "in this world, we will have troubles." It is inevitable to face hard things in this life. And although most will tell you that in spite of those troubles, you shouldn't give up, I boldly say it's quite alright to give up.
And I won't even explain what I mean by giving up. It is a personal thing. For what it may look like to some, might be different for others. For me, it meant that I would be out of work for several months because I could not get my footing grounded enough to feel mentally stable. I had a mental breakdown. And it caused me to resign from work and for a brief moment, give up.
My rock bottom was my living room couch. And although it may sound comfy and bearable enough, mentally speaking it was exhausting, and I couldn't catch my breath. I was at a standstill, while it felt like the whole world was spinning around me. But I chose not to be a part of it. I took myself out of the narrative that had been scripted for me long ago. The script that read, "you'll be a mom and wife, you'll be a teacher and write, and your kids will grow up and you'll be happy."--- I looked around and found I was all by myself. And I wasn't happy.
And I was afraid and scared. I wanted out but I wanted to live. I wanted no cares but I longed to be comforted. I woke up to anxiety and fell asleep crying. Day in day out. And rock bottom had me stuck. I felt very little room to breathe and enjoy life again, although I tried. My heart and head felt heavy. If I made an attempt to face the world, my smiles hid the heaviness constantly pounding on my chest.
But guess what... it was on that uncomfortable couch that I regained composure. It was in the standstill that I heard God's voice. It was in my anxiety that I felt God's touch. It was in my giving up that I became free to allow God to help me. Yes my dear friends, it is okay to need help, and it is okay to give up if it means that you will find freedom and strength in the God who not only created you but loves you so much.
Give up, give it all up for the sake of gaining what God has for you. Give up your expectations, give up on what you thought things were supposed to be like, give up on everything, if it means you'll look up to God, for even a glimpse of His peace is suffice today. Then repeat this process tomorrow and the next day and the next. And eventually, you'll see that you are no longer at rock bottom and life is meaningful and it might even make you happy. :)
Love you my friends!
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
Psalm 34:18
"When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, your consolations delight my soul." Psalm 94:19
