So I admit that after turning forty, I've gradually developed this random habit of talking to myself. I'm not embarrassed to admit it, with hopes that I'm not the only one. Do you ever catch yourself giving yourself some feedback or back talk, when no one else is around? Well, if I'm honest, it happens even when others are around. While on the topic, please tell me that I'm not the only who stands in front of the mirror and gives herself a pep talk.
Pep talks. Yeah, I think we all need them from time to time. Sometimes actually, it seems we need some constant talking to. Like on those days when the gray clouds never seem to dissipate, making the day seem much longer than usual, and the burdens wear heavy on your shoulders, and all you want to do is hide away from the demands of this world. There are days that turn into weeks and months of ongoing hardship and even suffering, and all we conjure up to do is throw up our fists at those gray skies and cry out for help. There are times when our faith is shaken so forcefully that we question that very faith we once proclaimed boldly on much brighter days. And we desperately need some talking to.
Yes, it's times like these when our soul longs for talking to. And I'm reminded of the heartfelt expressions of David the Psalmist, as he felt the need for an internal conversation, a one one with his own self. He inquires, "Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me?" And as he addresses his inner self, he reminds himself of a God that He can count on. He continues, "Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God"-- Psalm 42:5
This is what I love about David. At least it's one of the many things I admire about the guy known as "a man after God's own heart". I love that he is relateable and still he pours out his soul. He doesn't hold back. He's sincere, and yet doesn't pretend like he's got it all together. He knows that he can be genuine and honest with the God of Israel. And, like me, he talks to himself. Except my words go a little differently and possibly with a different tone. But all the more, God listens.
He listens as I try to keep my composure and I clutch my lips with fear that others will notice my fears, but I still end up as I now randomly do, whispering under my breath, "What's going on with you? Come on get it together girl! You have a God who loves you and is for you. You know He's trustworthy. He's never failed you. Put your hope in Him. Let your guard down. It's safe to put your hope in Him. Open your lips to praise Him, for He is worthy. He is worthy."