Friday, September 17, 2010

Feeling a bit Forgetful Today

I've been feeling more and more forgetful lately. I've always heard that as you get older, you tend to become forgetful. Well, I never really believed it could happen to me. Now, I'm not trying to age myself, but I feel like the only things that I remember vividly are those events in my childhood and upbringing. Like I can remember the color of the jacket I had on the day my third grade class was going on a roller skating field trip. I was standing in line with my classmates, when a girl came up to me and starting picking on me. I had on a bright yellow jacket. I was third grade, she was sixth. I can tell you all about that day, but I can hardly remember the details of today.

You know what else I remember in vivid detail? I clearly remember the times when people have wronged me and caused me pain.
The suffering I've had to endure. The hardships in my life. Like there was a time in my life when I was a "single mom". It wasn't for long, but I remember that time in my life very well. I had my firstborn, as a toddler. I lived with my parents, and I was receiving government aid, or as we call it, "welfare". I specifically remember standing in line to get the monthly stipend one very cold winter day. In fact, it was New Year's Eve day. The line rolled around the entire street block to the back of the building. And I remember standing, and waiting for what seemed like an eternity...looking around at the very dull surroundings. Everything seemed so grey, dark, and dull and cold. Except for my little boy's beautiful eyes, there was nothing to inspire. And I waited on that winter day. Along with all of the other "hurting" people who were waiting... maybe waiting for a glimmer of hope, or just something better.

Days like that seem to be so easy to remember. Just like I can easily recall the times that I've messed up badly. My "trial and errors". My temptations. My downfalls. And the inner struggles begin, as I hear "Lucy, you messed up really bad! If only you had...." I try closing my eyes, as if to push it away and "I wish I could just erase it..." Erase it from my memory. Erase it... so that it never did happen. But it has. And I'm remorseful...and then all of a sudden, just like in my little boy's beautiful eyes on that dull dark winter day, I see a glimmer of hope. It's like a little glimmer of light... as I turn my eyes and thoughts to my heavenly Father's word. And as I search within it, the glimmer becomes radiant; so clear and yet too vast for me to comprehend.

And in amazement I read, "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:18-19

Truly there is hope in Him who sees us through our good and bad! Not only do we find forgiveness, as He erases our wrongs; but through His grace, he gives more. He gives us a future. (Thank God for future) If all we had was our past, how dim and void our life would be. And actually, if we are living our lives looking back "remembering" our past mistakes and hurts, we will surely lose sight of the grand future that God has already prepared for us.

I have an older brother, who has had a rough past. Yet, if you met him today, you would never know. You see my brother lives his life with his sight set on what God has prepared for him. It's funny because my family and I will try reminding him of some of the crazy things he put us through, and he doesn't recall. He literally can't remember....
I say, "Count that as a blessing!"
To not remember.... to forget.... isn't that what God does? He intentionally forgets our sins. It's not that He's not aware. He simply chooses to erase them so that we can then focus on what He's got in store for us.

With of all that said, I will admit to feeling a bit forgetful today.
You should try it!


  1. This one brought tears to my eyes. How true. I too remember the bad... I too beat myself up. Doesn't everyone. Just the other day someone I know was lamenting years wasted in a marriage that came to an end after 15 years. Fifteen years wasted he said. We cannot dwell in the past... we do have a future and God is still in control and his mercies are new each morning! We should all be as forgetful as our brother.

  2. I too love this about your brother. I am very grateful he doesn't remember all the times I have messed up and failed him as a wife. Thank God HE (our Heavenly Father) forgives and forgets as far as the East is to the West and that He didn't say as far as the North is to the South for they meet, the East and West NEVER meet. Our God is good and may HE continue to constantly make us into HIS image and may we all forgive and forget.