Monday, September 23, 2013

I'm Confident

There's a portrait of me at two years old at my home and another like it at my mother's house.  Both pictures were taken on the same day.  I can barely remember that day, of course, since I was only two.  But I have somewhat of a distant memory of how afraid I felt  because of the camera and photographer at our home.

It's funny, but the picture truly depicts what my character and temperament were like.  I was always shy...  I was the last of three children, and it seems I was always in the background.  I barely spoke, out loud, that is.  My siblings did enough of that on their own.  They were lively and outspoken, at least, that's how I saw it.  I, on the other hand, was observant.  I'd watch... and internalize.  And when spoken to, you'd usually find me hiding behind my mother's stature or my sister's big and outgoing personality.

In fact, as I was growing up, not much of that changed.  My mother was my hiding place and my sister was the one who lead.  I was her student and follower.  Always timid and quiet on the outside.  Observant and internalizing.  "She's so shy", that's what people would say when they'd meet me alongside my siblings.  By the time I reached my adolescent and preteen years, I lacked self-confidence.  In most occasions, I was my sister's shadow. Never truly believing in myself.  My sister was my hero, but I knew I'd never be like her.  And although she'd be the first one to tell me that I was beautiful and that I had so much potential,  I wouldn't believe it.  I lacked confidence.

Well, today I can honestly say that the timid two year old is still somewhere inside of me; possibly hiding.  But thank God for His amazing grace!  Thank God for His powerful love!  His loving mercies!
Because of who God is and how He has shown His favor for me, I can freely say that I am confident.
I am still not very confident within my own skin.  In fact, I question myself all the time.  But truly I am confident in this... God's love for me, His power within me, and His ultimate plan for me.

He has poured His love on me time and time again assuring me like nothing else in this world can.  He has enabled me to do amazing things like forgive others and love them too.  He has empowered me to walk through life's storms, even if it meant eyes closed and holding on to the hem of His garment the whole time.  I am confident in God.  Not in myself, for there's not much to boast in all on my own.  But with Christ, I am strong.  I am at peace.  I am kind.  I am joyful.  And I am able... to do anything.

Most importantly, I admit, I'm a working progress.  I'm still learning and growing, and God is my teacher and guide.  Not only did He seek me out and begin to enable me with countless possibilities, but He continues to.
And I look forward to the day when I meet Him face to face and this timid little girl will confidently say, "I've arrived!"  and with that quickly add,  "Thank you".

Until then, God is not finished with us yet...

Philippians 1:6, "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you (me) will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus."

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