MOXIE

 I recently learned a new word. MOXIE. Sounded cool enough, so I looked up the meaning. COURAGE. I made the mental note, "I must look into this a bit further and write about it."  This past June, I was given the grim news that I have cancer.  MOXIE. Needless to say, my world as I knew it has been turned upside down, and I'm honestly now quite sure when it will turn back to upside up, as it should be. It has been daunting and nerve wracking at times. MOXIE. It has shaken my strength and weakened my body. MOXIE. And it has humbled me like nothing else has ever done before. 

Still MOXIE.

I've done some research on the diagnosed condition and what foods can help. I've talked with other cancer patients and survivors. Some, people I know, and others, complete strangers. I met and spoke over the phone for about an hour with a lovely woman who shared about her cancer journey with me. She told me she's in her 80+ round of chemo. MOXIE, more MOXIE. The thought of it, makes my stomach feel cold inside. 

Chemo is harsh. It can be brutal. Debilitating. Sickening. And in just a short of amount of time, I have witnessed how it's changed my body and my mind. However, it has not all been bad.  Believe it or not, this cancer diagnosis and chemo treatment has brought me closer and closer to my own personal MOXIE. My inner strength and courage. My faith in a God who will not leave me alone during my weakest moments. Scripture says in Ephesians 3:16, "I pray that out of his glorious riches, he may strengthen you with power through his spirit in your inner being." That's where the courage stems from. The roots and foundation of my courage derive from something outside my own natural being. 

I am on the 7th round, third day post chemotherapy, as I work on submitting this blog post today. Earlier, I laid flat on my bed for a while, tears streaming down, heart full of gratitude, as I repeatedly thanked God for so many things. Every loved one that came to mind, I thanked God for. Every friend and person who has reached out, I thanked God for. Every person and experience I've had in life thus far, I thanked God for. This new day and its challenges, about which  I knew nothing about, I thank God for. And I find that there is newfound courage in the practice of thankfulness and gratitude. 

During this round, I am made fully aware that my teeth feel different, my eyes feel different, and at times, I even feel like my body is doing things outside of my mental control. I wonder, "am I losing myself?" But then I begin writing and I find that muscle memory that makes me feel like I'm still very much here. The physical and mental challenges actually remind me that I am here. It is still me. And courage rises above the fears and doubts. Thank God for
MOXIE. 

It is here for the taking. Today and tomorrow again. Because with each new day, God's presence reminds me of the strength He provides for the taking. And I hold out my hands to heaven, cupped for the taking of my portion of courage this day. And I'm thankful.

What are you counting on for courage today? What is your Moxie founded on? While you decide on your answer, I will recite this verse for you again, "Ephesians 3:16, "I pray that out of his glorious riches, he may strengthen you with power through his spirit in your inner being."